Friday, September 02, 2005

I Look Like Candy

I get two or three weeks off from the band nazis. Wheeee!
I am SO psyched! I am so exhausted every Friday night
after running the damn concession stand on the field. And
tonight this chick who was helping with the stand I run fur-
ther annoyed me by asking me, out of the blue, if I knew
some other girl she grew up with here in Alabama named
"Candy" something or other. No wait, she asked me if I
was RELATED to said Candy girl. I'm sorry. Again, I am
recounting this incorrectly. She said that I look like Candy.
She asked me if I am Candy's sister. Now, first off, I don't
even remotely sound as though I am originally from Ala-
bama.

I mean, EVERYONE comments on it. Its a regular damn
topic of converfuckingsation for God's sake. So what was she
thinking? And secondly, Candy? My name is Sydney. A fairly
classic name. An old family name. Do you honestly think that
parents who name their child Sydney are going to turn around
and name another child in the family something cheap like
"Candy?"

I mean, what gives? Were they just slumming that day? All
out of options? Taking a walk on the wild side? Am I just be-
ing elitist and snooty again? Yeah, well blow me. What a stupid
question. Fucking Candy. I'm sure. Might as well have called
me "Gloria," or, "Flo." Oh wait, I think my dad DID put in a
vote for "Gloria." Thanks for that override mom.

So Candy, I am a bitch. I am frustrated that people, don't after
knowing me for years, as straightforward as I am, get me. On
so many different levels. My name included. I so try. So sue me.

*Disclaimer - My family is not immune to putting things on paper
which should, while being left in writing somewhere, never be
transmitted to the bureau of vital statistics on say... a BIRTH
CERTIFICATE. My brother named my niece "Trinity."

A word which can and should be found in written form in one of
two places. 1. The Bible or 2. Your local place of worship.

Her middle name is Nicole, however. I asked, hopefully, "So are
you going to call her Nicole? Nicky?" They looked at me dumbly,
my brother and sister-in-law. Of course not. We're going to call
her Trinity. Right, I said. Of course.

Sorry sweetie, just remember, when you're 18 you can go by what-
ever the hell you want.

7 comments:

Ranger Tom said...

Consider the source...

People ask me if I'm from New Jersey of all places...

Cade said...

My niece's name is Candy.

Sydney said...

(wince) Sorry Pinky...

Sydney said...

Of course, MY niece's name is Trinity. Which I also think is a hideous name to saddle a young girl with. Her middle name is Nicole. So, I said hopefully, are you going to call her Nicole? Nicky maybe? Oh no, they said, puzzled. We're going to call her Trinity. Oy vey.

Ranger Tom said...

Factiod: "Trinity" was the name of the first atomic bomb test site in New Mexico...

That being the case, I'd be extremely wary of any woman named Trinity...

Sydney said...

Poor thing. She's definitely going to want to change it when she gets old enough. Auntie Syd will put a bug in her ear when the time comes.

Carla said...

My cousin, whom I love dearly and who is one of my best friends, named her daughters Kaylee and Kelsey. Both lovely names, but come on; did they both have to start with a K?

When my mother told me that my cousin was naming her second daughter Kelsey Olivia, I asked, "Are they going to call her Olivia?" - not only because I secretly hoped they wouldn't have two daughters whose names started with K, but also because Olivia is a beautiful name. I got a reaction similar to the one you received.

Of course, Kelsey is such a hellion that she does get called "Kelsey Olivia" quite often! LOL