Thursday, November 23, 2006

Medical Mysteries

So yesterday, all of a sudden, my breasts became very inflamed
and sensitive and red and well... huge. Let me... revise. They
are already quite large now of course, they just became very

I was positive I had an infection. I went to get a shot of anti-
biotics from my local doc and also, a prescription for augmentin,
and resolved to see my surgeon next Thursday when I return
from Portland (I leave for Oregon Saturday) or perhaps sooner
should it look like things are worse, tending to streak, etc.

I can generally follow these things pretty well as I've unfor-
tunately been hospitalized with cellulosis before following a
spider bite in Texas.

There was one odd thing that rather argued against infec-
tion. The entirety of both breasts, including the nipples,
felt very sensitive. Almost engorged. Rather as they had
after I'd first had my son and my milk had come in. Odd,
since I was three weeks out from the surgery, and the
swelling had previously diminished. Also, one expects
infections to begin in a more localized area with redness
and swelling and then to move out in various directions
with swelling, and then redness and perhaps even streak-
ing from that area.

In any case, I iced what had become the virtual mountains
on my chest down and went to sleep. Five hours later I
woke with two sodden bag of soggy veggies. The okra will
never be the same.

I had a horrible migraine, which has been par for the
course the past three days. So I opened up a relpax -
one of the newer triptans - and was just about to pop
it into my mouth when clarity hit me like a bolt out
of nowhere. VASODILATER. Oh duh. And double
duh - no pun intended vis-a-vis the two breasts of

I'd taken three relpax, count them, THREE over the
past 36 hours for my horrible migraine. So my blood
was flowing fast and free and more than HAPPY to
settle into my newly implanted and oh so tender boob-

Sooo... Now I have a raging migraine AND sore breasts
and nothing to take for either except butalbital without
codeine. If things get really bad I suppose I'll go get a
shot at the ER -- Of course, I go to Portland on Satur-
day, so the next few days should be fun.

Seems like since I have relpax listed as a med that I
take for migraines someone would tell me "hey, lay off
of that post op." I'm pretty sure viagra would be out of
the question for the same reason... Not, that I take
viagra, I'm just saying.

Monday, November 13, 2006

For Dr. D

Ok, so about the sex. I got my boobs done. And... they haven't
really hatched yet officially. I mean, I still have the tape
underneath them. They are a D now, but I just know that means
that eventually they will be a C. Which of course, means that
eventually I will have them redone larger. Because. Everyone
does. Once you get them. You want them. BIGGER. LOL

At any rate, they do look great. If um, I do say so.

So of course, 1 1/2 weeks post op, what did I do? Well natur-
ally, I had sex last night. And not just any sex. REALLY GREAT
SEX. With yes, the ex-boyfriend from two years ago.

I have to say though, the really great thing about exes is, that
they already know exactly WHAT TO DO. In bed I mean. I'm never
one of those people who thinks that the hottest sex is the first
time. I mean, the first time CAN be really really hot, but...
when you start to get to know someone and trust them, you can
let yourself go in a way that's different. Also, they KNOW that
you trust them so they feel freer with you too, which is possibly
even more important.

So all of that said, I am NOT a good patient. I am in more pain
than other patients because I've had more surgeries, I have mi-
graines and I take more medication. So... the anesthesiologist
gives me, of all things, fentanyl, which yes, I KNOW you guys love
to use that stuff, right before he wakes me up. You know what
happens with that right? Basically. if they use too much it
can cause respiratory distress and kill you, kind of like that
one nurse did to her patient on purpose? So its a great short
term pain reliever except that you can't use that much of it
due to its potential respiratory issues.

So I tell the nurse in recovery - I'm in pain and I need a shot.
She just says, I'm not allowed to give you anything. Nothing
else, just that. So I try again, I'm in a lot of pain, what do
you mean I can't have anything? You aren't going to be able to
do anything for my pain in here? She says no.

So I said, "Right. Great. Well then, get me my clothes." Be-
cause obviously, I know that I have the demerol/phenergan mix
in the car and if that is all I am going to get then I am going
to get it NOW. So I got up and left. And took three of the lit-
tle pills that I was supposed to take two of - did I mention the
bad patient part? Then promptly called the office back as I
waited in agony for the medication to take effect and asked for
a nurse. To whom I read the riot act. It consisted of, I think,
the fact that they were paid a great deal of money up front for
my surgery, that I have a right to quality care and to be made
comfortable, and everything that I had not been lucid enough to
say when I mumbled for my clothes earlier. As I recall, the
speech lasted some time and Val, my friend driving said, "Oh shit,"
a couple of times during the diatribe.

I hung up and after a while the other medication kicked in to a
level where I could tolerate the pain. Of course, I alternated
it with my own lortab until I got on top of it and once it was
under control its been great from there and now I don't even
need it.

I refused to come in the next day, and came in the day after in-
stead. (I was sulking.) The doctor apologized, started to tell
me about the dangers of fentanyl, I say skip it, I know. Then
he says, so the nurse had to wait a little while. I said, "The
nurse said NOTHING about waiting a little while. The nurse said
that she would not be able to do anything for me." The doctor
groused around a little bit about how the nurse should have got-
ten him. (DUH) And then said that of course they always try to
make their patients comfortable in recovery, etc. I said, I'm
sure that's true and smiled like I really meant it and we both
said bygones and went on with the visit (after all, this man IS
in charge of my tits - its important to play nice with him.)

OH right, well. So back to the sex. I know I'm not supposed
to have sex 1 1/2 weeks post op. We tried very hard not to
umm.... "shake" the "jubblies" too much. Yeah, jubblies is a
new one for me too, I heard my son using it.

Anyway, and there's the fact that I've been working, and reach-
ing, sometimes above my head if nobody else is here, with my
right hand, and... like I said. Bad patient. Therefore, my
left breast is getting soft and dropping beautifully and my
right breast is slightly firmer because I am using my right
arm all of the time. They both look the same though and I'm
starting to massage...

But anyway. There it is. The sex.