Sunday, September 04, 2005

I Have Successfully Raised My Son

And I know this because I was unable to cook fried eggs this
morning. I was unable to cook them because the eggs, the en-
tire flat of 2 1/2 dozen eggs (hey, I keep my girlish figure on
Atkins, we go through a lot of eggs) was sitting in the front
seat of my car. But that was ok with me. It was Prima facie
evidence of the sufficiency of my parenting skills. My ability
to successfully steer a male child from boydom to mandom,
and all without that rudder known as a well... a dick. But I got
balls, and I think that counts.

Ok wait, you say. Please explain yourself. Sure. No problem.
Here's the deal. (See, I told you that phrase would come up.)
When I became suddenly single in 1995 I was determined that
my son was not going to end up one of those milktoast pansy
ass mama's boys, afraid of the world and the people in it just
because he didn't have a dad at home to balance out the nur-
turing "mom" bit. At the same time, I've seen boys who are
raised by single mothers who end up as delinquents because
basically, their mothers are just not strong enough to keep
them out of trouble. They don't exert enough discipline. I de-
cided that there probably was good reason to have both fathers
and mothers in children's lives but that in this instance, I was
just going to have to play both roles.

So I've been a tough mom. A little bit of a hardass. But I've
probaby let a lot of the normal "mom" things fall by the way-
side. My son isn't going to win any clean room awards for in-
stance. But he can hold his own in a fight and he doesn't get
in trouble in school. And he does all the normal "guy" things.
You know, leaves the toilet seat up, surfs for porn behind my
back online (he thinks) and only listens to about 1/10 of every
sentence that comes out of my mouth. Hence the eggs in the
car. He didn't hear me tell him to get THOSE out.

On the other hand, he doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs. And
he wears his seatbelt. And a condom. With extra spermacide.
I've told him how those girls lie about being on the pill. I hope
he believes me... I'd hate to pay college tuition and child support
at the same time. Ya know?

3 comments:

panthergirl said...

So true. I have often posted about how it is almost MORE important for boys to get extensive sex education. If she decides to keep that baby, you're in it financially for life. Whether you want to be or not. (don't get me wrong...as it should be. I am not proposing that any girl be forced to have an abortion OR to give birth. That's why guys have to be ULTRA careful.)

As you may have gathered, I am also raising my son alone.

Meagan said...

Hey Syd...You are SO right. Dylan has a GREAT head on his shoulders.

He's a little crazy (but not anymore than I am)...but I don't think he'd do anything stupid. ~Meagan

Sydney said...

He's a pretty good kid, all things considered. I'm lucky ;)