Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Chickens Is Bananas

The Chicken market is going banana cakes. Just... skyrocketing.
Go figure. Feels weird. To have good fortune smile at such a bad
time for so many. So I did the only thing I could and contributed
to Red Cross. I still feel guilty but what are you going to do? So

My head still feels pretty much ok. Of course, I'm on good drugs.
So that helps. LOL

Meanwhile, Back In The Dating World

Ok, So I haven't been on a date in a while. I just don't
feel like dating at the moment. But I am a member of
a large online dating service and I'm afraid to open my
mailbox there.

In the meatime, I got a call a couple of days ago from a
guy I gave my number to (courtesy of this same online
site) a couple or three months ago. You know, back when
I DID feel like dating.

So two or thee nights ago, mid-migraine, he called me up
and asked me out. He said something about not having
called sooner because he was away on business or some
such nonsense (this is date language for - I was firmly en-
sconced in another relationship that did not work out.)
I know these things. I have done the online dating deal
for several years, off and on.

So anyway, all of that is fine. But I had a migraine and
told him I'd call him back when that was over. He called
back last night anyway. Again, I told him I'd call him back
when my migraine was over. Kudos to the guy for even
wanting to deal with a girl who has had a migraine of this
many days duration, but LEAVE ME ALONE FOR RIGHT

Oh yeah, plus, his initials are B.M. I don't know if that
would ever work for me.

p.s. I say this very very guardedly. But my head is feeling
ever so slightly better this morning.

Hold Yer Chicken

But you know, don't fall in love with it or anything.
Words of Wisdom from the corporate office...

Akin to, don't sell, but sell. You know, when the time
is right. And that's different from what I'm supposed
to be doing EVERY day I work here how?

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

So Many Times

I think that people forget that good karma is all about
doing unto others as you would HAVE them do unto
you. Not as they do unto you. Doing unto others as
they do unto you is something else altogether different.
I think they call that... bitterness. And you know what?
Its a sure fire way to destroy your own future.

My Neurologist

Who couldn't fit me in this afternoon told me to go
to the E.R. Nuh uh, I said. I've been to the E.R.
last night. Sooooooo... she said, oh. ok. Then, how
about I call in a bottle of lortab 7.5's for you, because
I don't have time to see you this afternoon and I'm
not going to be in tomorrow. Well gee, I said. SURE!

So I'm home now. I have ELECTRICITY! WOO HOO!
And painkillers! And my son is here, and the cats are
on the bed. And Law & Order is on. Now in a perfect
world, the medication will actually WORK and then life
will be really cool. All in all though, life is good. And I'm
blessed. And lucky. And certainly a lot better off than
people in New Orleans.

So It Turns Out

And I hesitate to say this. In a time of such great loss.
Economic, life and otherwise. That a number of umm...
live chickens were destroyed in the hurricane. And that
this may, emphasis on MAY, drive up the proverbial
chicken breast, or as we like to call it, "chicken boobies,"
market. Which uh... could be good for me economically.

Which means that I am holding off for a few days on making
any big deals on the 6 and a half loads of chicken boobies that
I have left in the freezer in Detroit. Because, you know, they
might go up in price. It appears the market may be tightening.
It would, of course, serve me right if this were not to happen
at all. If it were to just plummet instead. But anyway. That's
where things stand. At the moment. Oh, and my headache is
back. LOL


A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed
reading when the wife looks over at him and
asks the question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would
you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND:"That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "shit."

For Anyone Who Reads My Blog

And has been wondering about Cindy, better known
as MentalHealthRn on blogster, she is ok. Without
power or phone, but safe. I just wanted to put the
word out. If anyone still on blogster still reads my
blog, I'd appreciate it if you'd let folks know over

So My Dad Just Called

His place in Gulf Shores is relatively intact. A few minor
dings to the outside. But other than that, everthing is fine.
They feel blessed. Very. And so do I. A heartfelt prayer
for everyone out there who has been less fortunate today.

Hold Your Breath

My Migraine is... Gone.
Slowly, Mysteriously... it has vanished. Sh...
Don't say anything much. Be very quiet about it.
It's best to just act, you know, kind of nonchalant.
And grateful. Very very grateful.

Conversation With My Father

Yesterday - 2:30pm
On our respective cell phones

"Hi Dad, Where are you?"

"In Mobile, Sitting in this ladies house. She has no

"What? Last I heard you were going to your vaca-
tion home in Gulf Shores? I thought you'd be home
by now."

"Hell, I don't even know if that's there anymore. The
place in Gulf Shores. Anyway, we did go there, but we
had the timeshare condo reserved for this week in Mobile.
We've had it reserved for six months."

"Umm, well, yes. But, you knew there was a hurricane
coming, right?"

"Well, sure. But its not like we knew exactly where it
was going to hit. So we decided to take a chance. Anyway,
we got evacuated from the condo. So now we are at this
friend of your grandmother's in Mobile, only her power is

"Oh, so you've got grandma with you too?" (How nice for
me, now I can worry about all three of them at the same

"Ok, well, when do you plan on coming HOME."

"Well, we're going to stay here until we can go out and check
on the place in Gulf Shores, and then you know, probably
finish our vacation."

"I see"

In The Dark

Literally this time, as opposed to the figurative fugue state
I usually walk around in. So I went to see my doc at his
new office yesterday where they will just be in "set-up"
mode for the next 2 - 4 weeks. He, or actually, his lovely
new billing girl cum all around assistant, gave me a whomp-
ing shot of decadron in the ass, even though she absolutely
HATES giving shots.

I keep telling her that I am very good practice for her since
I really don't mind being stuck. Most especially not when
I have a migraine. I mean really, who cares about a little
needle when you have a big knifing pain in your head?

So anyway, the decadron did fuck all for my headache.
After Dylan got out of school yesterday, (btw, they let
him off of band practice after school yesterday due to the
weather, but grudgingly, as if it were a HUGE favor, his
band director is all heart eh? I mean, what with the prac-
tically hurricane force winds and all. Oh WAIT. It WAS
a hurricane.)

So Dylan took me to the E.R. Where a stupid intake nurse,
a very young doctor, and more general ignorance ensued.
Next blog. (And by the way, I HATE the fact that when I
get this bad off my kid has to take me to the ER when he
should be you know, being a kid, doing his homework,
whatever. It truly gets to me.)

In the meantime, I am here at work, you know, one of the
few places in town with ELECTRICITY. And internet ac-
cess. So even here in North Alabama it stormed fairly
hard last night. Trees down, mighty winds, power outages
rampant. I can only imagine what it was like in Mississipi.
I have two friends who're both in the storm's eye and I can't
reach either one of them, even on their cells. I hope I can
get a hold of them both soon!

As for us, the power is out at our house, but up at my office.
The nazi of a local school superintendent decided to actually
have the students go to school in this weather, even though
it is windy, raining, power lines are down and power is out
over much of the town. Sheer brilliance. Asshole. I called
to let him know how I felt about his assessment skills.
Of course.

Monday, August 29, 2005

So This is What?

Day 5 or 6 of my migraine? Really, I don't remember any-
more. What I do know is that this is THE WORST migraine
I have had in a very long time. Since I started taking topamax
every day. You know, to stop having headaches like this.

The good news is, these headaches don't last forever. The bad
news is, they have, in the past - lasted for up to two or three
weeks of sheer unmitigated mind-blowing pain. The worst news
is that I am the world's biggest baby and that I will share every
single solitary crystalline moment of torture with each of you.

And I can already answer the questions you are going to ask.
Yes, I have had a catscan, MRI, EEG, bloodwork and whathave-
you. And no, there is nothing wrong with my brain except a
family history of and propensity for classic migraines and ex-
cruciating pain for no jolly good reason whatsoever. And no,
yoga, biofeedback, acupuncture, chiropractors, herbs and
even really good pain medication, unless administered on a
continual basis, doesn't help. Maybe a sledgehammer though.
Or a gun. No, not for me. To shoot the doctor with.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Hello Walmart?

Ok, so we live in a small enough town that Walmart is the only
thing open past well... 7pm on a Saturday night. And the nearest
major computer store is about forty-five minutes away. Not to
mention the nearest sushi, nightlife, starbucks, civilization...
Anyway, you get the picture...

We do, however, have a Super WalMart in the vicinity.

Now, by the phrase "Super WalMart," I do not mean to imply in
any way, shape or form that the store in question performs up
to the quality denoted commonly by the usage of the word "Super."
I merely mean to say that it is a WalMart SuperStore. Seller of
food clothing and various sundries.

"WalMart, This is the jewelry department."

"Hi, Can I please have the electronics department."

"Just a moment please."

If you would like to replicate my experience at home, please pick
up a telephone at this time and wait five minutes before reading
further. Then, hang up on yourself.

Then, repeat this exercise in extreme frustration by calling Wal-
Mart and trying the exercise in futility again. Just in case your brain
isn't bleeding yet. To entirely replicate the experience it will help
if you already have a drug resistant migraine of five days duration,
a 17 year old with a broken computer and a project due Monday,
and oh, absolutely no current personal life. I throw that part in just
for flavor. So, let's try it again, shall we?

"Hello, Walmart."

Suspiciously "Is this the jewelry department?"

"No, this is the main desk."

"Oh. Can I please have the electronics department."

"Just a moment."

"Electronics" (A suspiciously un-techy and very hic sounding
girl's voice)

"Oh, hi. Do you have a graphics card for a computer PCI slot?"

"Uhhh... I don't know. Let me ask him." (A shout out to the
mysterious him ensues. Muffled talk is heard. She comes back
on the line.) "Umm... He says he thinks he may have something
like that video thing."

I had numerous other questions. You know, like is it 64 mb, 128,
256? Are they sure its PCI and not agp? But what I heard myself
say was the following:

"That's ok, I think I'll just come down and look."

p.s. It turned out not to be the video card. My son's mother
board is fried. Lovely. At any rate, I got a fairly cheap system
off of I'm going to bed!

LOL! I just read what I wrote. Hell, the mother board on his
computer isn't the ONLY one who's FRIED! LOL

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Can 'O Spam

HUH? So I opened the cabinet in search of something
to eat. You know, in case something previously unseen
might magically materialize, and... it did! That's right.
A can of spam. Now, what?! Where the fuck did we get
a can of spam?

Just in case you're wondering, spam is not on our regular
shopping list. Not on our normally scheduled course of
events. We don't have nightly "spam" hour. Internet
or in a can. Just doesn't happen. But there it is, pretty
as you please. Languishing in its can on the shelf in the
pantry. Must ask my son about this.

Meeting The Family

So I thought

I should intro-

duce you to


little family

so you'll have some idea who I'm blogging about.

This photo is me and my son Dylan a couple of years

ago in Palm Springs. We live in somewhereville,

Alabama with our two bunnies and our two cats

(to be pictured later).

Dylan is a junior in high school and I sell chicken.

He's a good kid and I'm a lucky mother. That's about...

the size of it. Oh yeah, I should probably mention

that we are transplants here. We're originally from

Austin, Texas. And we will probably always feel

a little bit like Texas is our "real" home. That's right.

Hook em Horns.


And by that, I do NOT JUST mean that our high school won
the football game. I mean that after taking off of work at
3:30 pm, and staying there until 10:30pm, they finally let
all of us heat addled band parents go the hell home.

Nevermind that I still have a freaking headache and that I
was on a potent combination of muscle relaxants, phenergan
and yes, THAT drug - oxyconton, such that I almost passed
out at least twelve times in the heat and I STILL nursed a
headache the entire time.

Still, at the moment when the LEAD band booster mommy
threw up her hands in exhaustion and said... "Let's not re-
stock these concession stands tonight. We'll wait and let
the kids do it after the junior varsity game on Thursday,
even if they get it wrong." Well, let's just say that we all
split like rats deserting a sinking ship before she could
change her ever lovin mind.

And thank you, dad, for calling me at 6am to ask - on your
way to your new vacation home in Gulf Shores - "Don't
y'all EVER get up early around there?!" Christ.

Friday, August 26, 2005

High School Dramas

Ok, So I just want to be honest. A shortcoming of mine.
Plus, I need to talk about this SOMEWHERE because
I'm still upset about it, and hell, what better place than
my damn blog?!

This is not my first blogging attempt. I was recently a blogger
over at what became for me a quagmire -

Just go the the list of most popular bloggers on the lefthand
side of the page and click on ObliqueOne

I enjoyed some marginal success as a blogger there, if one
measures "success" as the number of hits one receives on
ones blogs in a relatively short period of time. I did have one
apparent shortcoming though. I did not hesitate to call it like
I saw it.

Since blogster is community of bloggers, and since sometimes,
admittedly, I was wrong, this did not go over well, even though
I would apologize if I found I had indeed misstepped. At any
rate, truthfully, this did not occur all that often really. But be-
cause it did happen from time to time, I do not consider myself
to be entirely blameless for what followed.

The larger problem, I think, is that I once put up photos of myself
in a thong. Oh, and I do, again admittedly, dye my hair blonde.
Neither of those two aspects of my character sat well with one of
the other female bloggers. She even wondered aloud about what
kind of "whore and slut" of a mother would post a thong photo
when she had a "young son." The fact that I dye my hair blonde
figured into the sluttiness as well in some fashion, but I can't quite
recall her rationale at the moment. It was a compelling argument
though, to be sure.

Now I would like to point out that A. I don't know what one thing
has to do with the other and that B. I don't think that taking photo-
graphs in a bikini or a thong makes one either a whore or a slut, and
that C. My one and only child, a son, is almost an adult. He is 17 1/2.
A year older than I was when I began college for God's sake.

(I would also like to point out that LAST TIME I CHECKED I am
free, single and over 21 - so I should be able to post whatever
photos of myself I would like to post. And that any puritan who
doesn't like that can just get back on the damn Mayflower.)

So... Someone took an anonymous potshot at me, and I blamed this
other female blogger due to her similar diction and writing style.
She denied it, but I still DO think it was her and I always will. Regard-
less, what IS known for certain is that she set up an anonymous blog
whereby she and other bloggers came and trashed me at will. It was
very nasty. And hurtful. Especially since I didn't know who was
saying what.

So now I feel I can never return there, because I wouldn't truly know
who my friends are. That is why I am now here, instead. And there
you have it.

Hopefully, the people here are friendlier. And more thong tolerant.
And hell, if you aren't? Then I can just erase your damn comments! ;)


A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some
rectal deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to
the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been
buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would
like some more. I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "We don't
have any." But I always buy it here," says the blonde.

Do you have the container that it came in?" asks the pharmacist..
"YES," said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it." She returns
with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at
it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm
deodorant." Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back
and reads out loud from the container.........


So I Seem to Sell The Best

When I am either under the influence of severely mind altering drugs
for pain (as in I've had a migraine or I've just had surgery) or if I am
in general feeling poorly for some reason.

I've had this migraine for at least two or three days now. So the day
before yesterday I had a great SCORE on a 31,000 lb load of chicken
and then yesterday sold 4 - 40,000 lb trucks of chicken out of the
250,000 lbs of chicken I was trying to get rid of.

Oops, and you guys are still having that hurricane I prayed for down
in Florida. Again, I don't know what the fuck to say about that. Sorry
seems a little, you know, weak...

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Waiting For the Doc

Waiting for my Doc to call. We're friends. Thank God. He's
going to know when he's available to give me a shot. He actually
has to borrow the schtuff as he is in the process of moving his
office. What a guy! I'm gonna owe him big! My HEAD is gonna
owe him big!


I have a huge fucking migraine today. Serves me right for praying
for a hurricane to engulf a major portion of the U.S. You know,
karma and all of that good stuff.

So anyway, I've taken two Relpax. And... it hasn't done squat. Not
a damn thing. Gotta love it. NOT.

Chicken Storms

So my boss said to me a couple of days ago, "Nothing good happens
to the chicken market between September and January. Of course,
you could always pray for a storm to hit the east coast and kill off
half of the chickens."

Being as how I have 250,000 lbs of chicken in the freezer, and its
probably overvalued as it is, I prayed. Really really hard. Of course,
my boss, forgot to say WHERE on the east coast this "storm" was
supposed to hit. So umm... sorry about that Katrina thing folks.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

The MOLD Again

So, before I go to bed, here's the only important report -
Nobody has yet done anything to fix the mold problem in our
office, except that is, to repair the air conditioing unit. And
since I own 5% of the company we bought the building with
its not like I can file a complaint or anything.

So today I said to my boss. Umm... uh hey... How about's
so and so and I at least take down the acoustic ceiling tiles
that have the mold all over them tomorrow until you get a
chance to get them replaced.

I mean HELLO. Has the guy not noticed that we are all
snorkling and snurfing and snuffling our butts off lo these
past two weeks? Apparently not. Anyway, he said,
without enthusiasm, "Yeah, I guess so."


Stupid People

I think I'm going to make this an ongoing blog topic, to be brought up whenever I encounter stupid people. Only it will be revolving. You know, no one group of people wil get stuck in the stupid box on an ongoing basis. So here it is:

Stupid People of the Day:

People who don't think I say what I mean. This would include people
who think that I airily announce things like, "Oh, I'm leaving," only
to come back again. That doesn't happen in myworld. Once I'm done
with you and I've decided that you are no longer to be trusted, and
that indeed, you don't seem to desire my presence anyway? Well, let's
just say that I don't stick around for more punishment. I mean, how
crazy would that be?

Goodbye Stupid People

I Love My Son But I Hate The Band Boosters

I know. Call me a bad mother. But I don't enjoy the band boosters. But I PARTICIPATE. Boy do I participate. Nevermind that I live in rural Alabama and I seem to be the only one living here that is left of say... Pat Robertson or Jerry Falwell. That makes the band boosters bad enough. Yes it does.

But I have spent large amounts of time at least twice a week volunteering at different fund raising events and this Friday I start running the on-field concession stand for all of the home games. I know I know. Be glad that I have a happy healthy kid to do band boosters for. And...

MOLD. Lovely

So we've finally figured out why the entire office is snuffling around with colds and sinus infections for the past two weeks. Apparently our air conditioner has metamorphased from a working unit into a mold producing machine. Quietly. Slowly. Way up in the ceiling.

We only found out today that this is what was going on when we walked into huge water spots and black and green mold soaking through the acoustic ceiling tiles. YUM!

(The afore-mentioned sinus infections, by the way, were my entire reason for the ill-fated dose of levaquin yesterday.) So anyway... That's the start to my morning. Blogging from a plume of spores.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

So Apparently

I'm allergic to levaquin. Who knew? Remind me not to take this particular little antibiotic again. Nausea, vomiting, dizziness... What a picnic. Especially after the day I've had. So, I'm taking a phenergan and going to bed. Good Night


I am having the worst day. Of course, my son loves me. And my cats love me. I DO have that. Wait a minute. I feed all of them. Daily, usually. Shit.

Hey! My mother! SHE loves me. And I don't feed her.
Huh. I think your mother has to love you. It's in the book.

I AM having a pity party today... And I forgot to send out the invitations.


Sometimes you find you've worn out your welcome in your old digs and its really best to move on to, if not better, at least virgin territory. And you know. Hope they don't follow. At least,
not all of them...

I mean, you did say you wanted to find a sense of community right? I know. You just never reckoned on that community turning on you.