Wednesday, September 07, 2005

He Really Needs To Move The Hell On

Ok, So I'm sick this morning. Headache, sinus infection - nasty
nasty mood. Which brings me to a story from last night. The
story of my son's father. My son is 17 years old. He's a junior in
high school. (I started him a year late as he was in a Montessori
type pre-school and well - it was just different in terms of how
it worked and HE was different in terms of when he was ready
to go to first grade and...) there you have it. So anyway. Back to
my story.

When I was in the middle of my bachelors degree I became preg-
nant. Well, I didn't exactly just become pregnant. It wasn't a mir-
acle or anything. There was a slipup in or malfunction of sorts in
proper birth control etiquette and apparently, I was quite fertile
at the time (something which was not able to be replicated ever
ever again oddly enough), and... long story short, I became... with
child. He wanted to get married and I was in love with him but
realized soon into my pregnancy that he was the biggest loser, not
most ambitious guy and by the way, decidedly inept at keeping it
in his pants outside the relationship. So I said, umm... let's wait.
Until after the baby is born. And in the meantime, could you
please sign this paperwork establishing paternity, which by the
way in fine print gives me sole custody, thank you very much.

I actually went to legal aid to have the paperwork drawn up. I
know, women are conniving manipulative creatures. Most especial-
ly when it comes to our children. No apologies there. So... when his
parents found out that he had signed this paperwork, they were fur-
ious. How do you know its even yours, they asked him? Gee, thanks
for THAT vote of confidence. I was a virgin until I was nineteen for
God's sake. He was the one out there screwing everything that
moved. But anyway, I just remained determined. Stood my ground.
We went to court and entered in an agreed order for child support,
I got custody, he got visitation, which I was all for him having. He
was the father after all. And, very important to me, we did a decree
of legitimation. All before Dylan, my son, was ever born. So basically
it was as if we had been married and divorced in that one short day.
In court.

We continued to see each other. He seemed for a time, especially
after Dylan's birth, to have changed his ways. He hadn't. He screwed
up once, and I left. I'm like that. He was disconsolate, but I was
through. I fell in love with someone else, the love of my life actually,
and got married. And then divorced a few years later. (Umm... Do
they ALL cheat?) He never did marry. He never did pay a lot of atten-
tion to Dylan either. Or help with him much. Although I begged him
to do so. Well now Dylan is older. And he has turned out to be a really
great kid. Almost surreal in terms of what a neat person he is. He is
one of those funny, smart charismatic people whom everyone loves.
Teachers love him. Parents love him, and other kids love him. Well
now his dad really does want to see him, I think... But this is compli-
cated by the fact that his father saw me for the first time in five
years this past May and has decided that he is madly in love with
me again. The feeling is NOT mutual. This is a guy who asked the
judge to reduce his visitation last time we went to court. I have ab-
solutely no respect for him. I literally can barely tolerate him enough
to be civil to him for my son's sake and because his parents love my
child and they ARE good grandparents. He was stupid enough to
share his "newly found feelings" for me with our son. So now, Dylan
doesn't believe anything he says is genuine in terms of wanting to
see him because he's never been interested before. And Dylan is not

He says he wants to come see him here. He's never wanted to come
before. I certainly don't want to see him and Dylan told him he's too
busy. He said, you don't want to see me anyway, you just want to
see my mom. Probably true. It's sad and I'm not really sure how to
handle it. To make things WORSE, his father keeps calling me
begging for us to get back together. After seventeen years! As if he
has not been a complete cad, idiot and loser. What a freak. I've told
him to get lost over and over again and it just doesn't seem to regis-
ter. He pays me his child support but he does owe some back
medical. I'm considering taking him to small claims court just to get
him to leave me alone. Nothing like asking for money to sour those
romantic feelings, right? I haven't asked before because I make so
much more than he does. Its a very uncomfortable situation. And it
really shouldn't be.

My son and his father and I this summer at his birthday
party in Austin, Texas.


Ranger Tom said...

Sounds like a really screwed up situation... It's the one reason I'm glad I never had any children with my ex, at least now I never have to see her again.

Not that I didn't or don't want to have kids... I think you understand what I'm saying.

And we do not all cheat... It was the other way around with me and my ex.

PJ said...

I know what you mean about the cheating thing. Your son is a pretty well adjusted kid considering his dad being such a jerk, but you are a pretty great mom to keep balance in his life. By the way, I like the new look in here.