Sunday, August 28, 2005

Hello Walmart?

Ok, so we live in a small enough town that Walmart is the only
thing open past well... 7pm on a Saturday night. And the nearest
major computer store is about forty-five minutes away. Not to
mention the nearest sushi, nightlife, starbucks, civilization...
Anyway, you get the picture...

We do, however, have a Super WalMart in the vicinity.

Now, by the phrase "Super WalMart," I do not mean to imply in
any way, shape or form that the store in question performs up
to the quality denoted commonly by the usage of the word "Super."
I merely mean to say that it is a WalMart SuperStore. Seller of
food clothing and various sundries.

"WalMart, This is the jewelry department."

"Hi, Can I please have the electronics department."

"Just a moment please."

If you would like to replicate my experience at home, please pick
up a telephone at this time and wait five minutes before reading
further. Then, hang up on yourself.

Then, repeat this exercise in extreme frustration by calling Wal-
Mart and trying the exercise in futility again. Just in case your brain
isn't bleeding yet. To entirely replicate the experience it will help
if you already have a drug resistant migraine of five days duration,
a 17 year old with a broken computer and a project due Monday,
and oh, absolutely no current personal life. I throw that part in just
for flavor. So, let's try it again, shall we?

"Hello, Walmart."

Suspiciously "Is this the jewelry department?"

"No, this is the main desk."

"Oh. Can I please have the electronics department."

"Just a moment."

"Electronics" (A suspiciously un-techy and very hic sounding
girl's voice)

"Oh, hi. Do you have a graphics card for a computer PCI slot?"

"Uhhh... I don't know. Let me ask him." (A shout out to the
mysterious him ensues. Muffled talk is heard. She comes back
on the line.) "Umm... He says he thinks he may have something
like that video thing."

I had numerous other questions. You know, like is it 64 mb, 128,
256? Are they sure its PCI and not agp? But what I heard myself
say was the following:

"That's ok, I think I'll just come down and look."

p.s. It turned out not to be the video card. My son's mother
board is fried. Lovely. At any rate, I got a fairly cheap system
off of I'm going to bed!

LOL! I just read what I wrote. Hell, the mother board on his
computer isn't the ONLY one who's FRIED! LOL


Lisa said...

i don't know how you deal with those migraines syd. i wish they had the option of email here.


Ranger Tom said...

Dealing with the shitheads at WalMart gives me migrains...

PJ said...

I hope you get rid of that migraine soon. I suppose just getting rid of WalMart won't get rid of the migraine, huh? Didn't think so. Yes, good old WalMart - you know what I think of that place. Yes. I shop there too.

windyfrog said...

great wit!! My wife gets migraines as well - killer stuff - i feel for you - she has some good drug cocktails that work. I will try and have her send you some info. We have two teenage daughters 19 and 17 - so we feel your pain. good luck and keep writing

It's Funny Because... said...

spooky... as you were reading/posting a comment at my other site (journal of a fallen angel) i was chuckling merrily at the walmart post... not to mention the rectal deodorant joke hehehehe

thank you for the kind words :) i'll be visiting you again, too.

kind regards,

Sydney said...

Well, there you have it. Great minds. ;)

Billy Jones said...

Walmart-- can't live with 'em, and soon, if they have their way, we won't be able to live without them.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

not your typical southern belle said...

You are from Alabama? Very cool!

I am blogrolling you and coming back to read later.

Girl, you do NOT look old enough to have a 17 y.o. son.

Not Your Typical Southern Belle

Andrea said...

I just gotta ask...Who the heck is Lewis Black? Our Walmart is moving out of one mall. They demolished the end of the other mall and are building their own separate building in that space. It's amazing how Walmarts love being the sole shopping entity in small towns.

Sydney said...

Lewis Black is a comedian. He can be seen on Jon Stewart's Daily Show among other places.

Lindsey said...

Ugh. Walmart. Makes me feel dirty even going into one but it's a necessary evil. You sound a lot like my best friend. She lives in the middle of a small country town with nothing but Wal-mart b/c she's in the Animal Science industry as well. Her field is pigs.

MisterMoff said...

WOOHOO!!! I gots me a blogger account. Walmart sucks.

Sydney said...

ROFL! I love ya momoff! Subtle blog name by the way. Very subtle.