What's the Strangest Place You've Ever...

Let me just set this story up for you. Because truly, when I read it
I did TRY to give the guy who is the subject matter thereof the be-
nefit of the doubt.

So I thought to myself, you know, what IS the strangest place I've
ever umm...

I mean, you know how it is, you're bored, its late at night and you're
driving across the country on a fourteen hour road trip. There's no-
body else in the car. For whatever reason you start daydreaming
(well. nightdreaming) about some erotic fantasy you've had and you
think, "What's the harm?" Not another car around for miles...

And you can't TELL me that some of you guys haven't ever locked
the door at work sometimes during the middle of the day and done
this in your office during a slow day when nobody else was really
around.

But this guy. This guy really took things way over the top folks.
Way. If he'd been consulting his wee willie horoscope it would have
said, Are you fucking insane?! Hell to the No! Don't even think about
it! I mean, if he'd checked his horoscope before each of the fifteen
or twenty times he did this certain thing you're about to read about.
Because in his case:

REALLY REALLY BAD JUDGEMENT SQUARED X INFINITE

+ the Investment in one Super Ultra Penis Pump

oh yeah, and presiding over a packed court room whilst masturba-
ting with said pump...

Simply do not mix well.

Which is kind of unfair when you think about it because with all of
the attornies around, one should almost be able to have the expec-
tation of being able to get fucked by mere virtue of showing up.