Saturday, December 31, 2005

The Icon

Ok, I totally ripped this off from some guy who's trying to pick me
up on Match.com. I don't know if he ripped it off or wrote it so...
Right, anyway. Here it is:

Flowbee

OK, this one is TRUE!*

I have a friend who is a great beautician. She must have thought I
looked a little ragged, because she offered to give me a haircut this
weekend. I don't want anything free, so I stopped by the Thrift
Store a couple of nights ago and picked up a Flow Bee, the hair clip-
pers that fit on your vacuum. It was a little greasy, but for just two
bucks, I snatched that thing up. Pulled all those quarters out of my
pocket so fast that I think I've got whiplash.

Well, I've got one of those new industrial strength Oreck vacuums,
the kind that can pick up a bowling ball. To make a long story short,
I'm wearing a toboggan today, and it looks like I'll have to wear it for
at least a month. To make matters worse, I didn't want to get hair
all over my clothes, so I did it naked. That thing got away from me
and headed straight for my "private" area . I now have a perfect like-
ness of Mother Teresa down there.

I guess some idiot from the hospital told a few friends about it, be-
cause I had every dang TV station and newspaper in Alabama calling
me the next day. A free lunch sounded reasonable to me, so I let
NBC 13 News broadcast a live remote from the shop last night.

When I got to work this morning, there was a huge line of customers
lined up outside. Well, it turned out they're "pilgrims" here to see
Mother Teresa. I'm very busy, with house payment and payroll com-
ing up today. Well money is time, and as bad as I hate to, I'm going to
have to charge these folks for their ?viewing?. I just hope they don't
want to see her weeping tears of blood.

*She really is a great beautician.

5 comments:

Keshi said...

Nice..is ur name sydney or u live in sydney.I am from sydney..nice to meet u.You write good stuff!

and u love Rex ,hunny?Just remember he is mine! ok??




Keshi.

.Ben. said...

Nice. Gave me a minor smile. A COAL miner smile!

yellowdog granny said...

i was bitching to my girlfriend in email about needing a hair cut and she said to shampoo my hair dry it and while it was still pretty wet to bend over take hair and twist it tight and then cut it where the bottom of the twist is...so i did..i look like windy o williams...happy new year.

Sydney said...

did I ever say I loved Rex? Geez... that's how rumors get started. My name is Sydney. Although I'd love to go to Sydney someday. I'll bet its beautiful.

nicole said...

Thanks for the idea. I'm gonna steal that magic asterisk to spread tall tales far and wide across the blogosphere. AWESOME!!!