I've Heard Rumors

I Know

That I shouldn't say this. It is low and mean and petty. But.
My ex-husband's wife is becoming increasingly large. And
not any more attractive as the years pass. I know this be-
cause I make a sick yearly pilgrimage to the website of which-
ever academic outpost or University they happen to be teach-
ing THIS year just to see. I wonder, as I gaze at her ever
steepening forehead (oh yes, it appears she also suffers from
thin hair and a rather unfortunate case of female pattern bald-
ness, the type that renders the hairline ever higher on the head
of its female sufferers) if this latest move had anything to do
with his penchant for straying from the proverbial fold.

I wonder how many times she's had to tell herself that he
really is just friends with that other, very attractive and
witty female professor. I wonder how she deals with being
just down the hall from him in another office when she sees
female students flocking to the office of the published poet.
I wonder if he ever takes their daughter to his office and lets
any of those students babysit for a little while behind her
back.

I wonder if she has ever used that same daughter to threat-
en him, in desparation, realizing that she really isn't competing
so much with other women after all, but maybe words on a
page or something in his mind, or something so ephemeral
it cannot even be described at all.

And I wonder if she ever thinks about the two little boys and
their respective mothers who came before her, Merry Christ-
mas. Its what you wanted. Now you're there.