Monday, November 13, 2006

For Dr. D

Ok, so about the sex. I got my boobs done. And... they haven't
really hatched yet officially. I mean, I still have the tape
underneath them. They are a D now, but I just know that means
that eventually they will be a C. Which of course, means that
eventually I will have them redone larger. Because. Everyone
does. Once you get them. You want them. BIGGER. LOL

At any rate, they do look great. If um, I do say so.

So of course, 1 1/2 weeks post op, what did I do? Well natur-
ally, I had sex last night. And not just any sex. REALLY GREAT
SEX. With yes, the ex-boyfriend from two years ago.

I have to say though, the really great thing about exes is, that
they already know exactly WHAT TO DO. In bed I mean. I'm never
one of those people who thinks that the hottest sex is the first
time. I mean, the first time CAN be really really hot, but...
when you start to get to know someone and trust them, you can
let yourself go in a way that's different. Also, they KNOW that
you trust them so they feel freer with you too, which is possibly
even more important.

So all of that said, I am NOT a good patient. I am in more pain
than other patients because I've had more surgeries, I have mi-
graines and I take more medication. So... the anesthesiologist
gives me, of all things, fentanyl, which yes, I KNOW you guys love
to use that stuff, right before he wakes me up. You know what
happens with that right? Basically. if they use too much it
can cause respiratory distress and kill you, kind of like that
one nurse did to her patient on purpose? So its a great short
term pain reliever except that you can't use that much of it
due to its potential respiratory issues.

So I tell the nurse in recovery - I'm in pain and I need a shot.
She just says, I'm not allowed to give you anything. Nothing
else, just that. So I try again, I'm in a lot of pain, what do
you mean I can't have anything? You aren't going to be able to
do anything for my pain in here? She says no.

So I said, "Right. Great. Well then, get me my clothes." Be-
cause obviously, I know that I have the demerol/phenergan mix
in the car and if that is all I am going to get then I am going
to get it NOW. So I got up and left. And took three of the lit-
tle pills that I was supposed to take two of - did I mention the
bad patient part? Then promptly called the office back as I
waited in agony for the medication to take effect and asked for
a nurse. To whom I read the riot act. It consisted of, I think,
the fact that they were paid a great deal of money up front for
my surgery, that I have a right to quality care and to be made
comfortable, and everything that I had not been lucid enough to
say when I mumbled for my clothes earlier. As I recall, the
speech lasted some time and Val, my friend driving said, "Oh shit,"
a couple of times during the diatribe.

I hung up and after a while the other medication kicked in to a
level where I could tolerate the pain. Of course, I alternated
it with my own lortab until I got on top of it and once it was
under control its been great from there and now I don't even
need it.

I refused to come in the next day, and came in the day after in-
stead. (I was sulking.) The doctor apologized, started to tell
me about the dangers of fentanyl, I say skip it, I know. Then
he says, so the nurse had to wait a little while. I said, "The
nurse said NOTHING about waiting a little while. The nurse said
that she would not be able to do anything for me." The doctor
groused around a little bit about how the nurse should have got-
ten him. (DUH) And then said that of course they always try to
make their patients comfortable in recovery, etc. I said, I'm
sure that's true and smiled like I really meant it and we both
said bygones and went on with the visit (after all, this man IS
in charge of my tits - its important to play nice with him.)

OH right, well. So back to the sex. I know I'm not supposed
to have sex 1 1/2 weeks post op. We tried very hard not to
umm.... "shake" the "jubblies" too much. Yeah, jubblies is a
new one for me too, I heard my son using it.

Anyway, and there's the fact that I've been working, and reach-
ing, sometimes above my head if nobody else is here, with my
right hand, and... like I said. Bad patient. Therefore, my
left breast is getting soft and dropping beautifully and my
right breast is slightly firmer because I am using my right
arm all of the time. They both look the same though and I'm
starting to massage...

But anyway. There it is. The sex.


Anonymous said...

Jubblies. I like that.

Don't you just love doctors? I know we need them, but sometimes I think things would be so much easier without them. Last year I almost died because a doctor thought I had a urinary infection when it was appendics. The second doctor I went to couldn't belive the first doctor...luck for me.

Anonymous said...

Am I going crazy or has this post not been on your site for the last week? I saw it and commented and than it was gone...poof! I could be crazy...

Sydney said...

Its crazy isnt it? You know, everyone has been in consternation over the disappearance of this article. Not the least of whom, I found, was the ex-boyfriend in question.

And his family. Yep. See, I'd thought that they only read my other blog. Or I'd have never posted anything in the affirmative in support of his sexual er...

In support of the fact that he was able to bring forth a very good effort in the sack on this ONE occassion. Must have been all of the motivation from the two years of terrible sex he had with the last girlfriend. Speaking of the last girlfriend. I just saw her photo on

Egads - I now do not begrudge the poor thing of one moment's worth of the solace she may have found in the arms of my departed ex. Because she has to live with that face forever.

Yes I know, that was cruel. Mea culpa.

Back to the missing article. I took it to edit to fix a couple of typos and apparently when I resubmitted it I hit a wrong button and it saved it to the draft page instead.

I was quickly notified by my ex-boyfriend whose family I didnt even know READ this blog that I was suspected of posting and then taking away a blog because I regretted talking about him.

As IF. ;)

Anonymous said...

I never even saw it here until today.
Jubblies, now that's a new one on me. Sign of getting old I guess.
New boobies, Oh boy! I didn't think you were deficient it the thong days. You know best I guess.

DrDiSaia said...

Well are not the worst patient but it sounds like you are not the best either...LOL.

Tell me that you are still seeing your surgeon while all this is going on. Breast implants can settle at slightly different times and still turn out OK. Does your surgeon have you massaging? Then again with you that might turn into more sex....yikes.

Sydney said...

LOL Dr. D, the surgeon DOES have me massaging and my breasts have now dropped into what appears to be actually fairly perfect symmetry (although I could be somewhat biased I suppose) ;)
Also, they are SO much softer and more natural feeling than I'd even hoped. I'm surprised, but thrilled.

I am so happy with them. The surgeon did some type of bi-planar? technique on the left side because he had said that my crease (of all things) was uneven prior to doing the surgery. Cost me an extra $500 but was undoubtedly worth it because both breasts are very nicely proportioned and even. Also, they didn't shrink down to a C as I'd feared, but have stayed a nice big D.